I got up at about 6am this morning…not because I wanted to, but because Cap’n Jack Henry demanded it. As I sat on the sofa, nursing him, I was pondering what to blog this morning. I pondered this for roughly forty-five minutes because that’s about how long it takes him to finish in the mornings. When I put him back in his crib, I still had nothing. So basically this is going to turn into a gripe session of sorts. I’m going to state some problems I’ve been having, and then I want you, my readers (all ten or so of you) to solve them for me in the comment section. Okay? Okay! Let’s get started….
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Since I just mentioned him, let’s start with Jack Henry. For a few months now he’s been sleeping through the night. He wakes up in the early morning hours, nurses for.ev.er., but then I’m able to put him back to bed for another hour or two. I can either go back to bed (rare…unfortunately) or stumble down to my coffee pot, shoot up with its contents, start some laundry and then work on my blog for a while. My problem is that for the past few mornings Jack Henry is not going back to sleep. He’s waking up between 5 and 6 am and then actually staying awake without the aid of caffeine or other stimulants. This concerns me on so many levels, but mainly I’m worried about this blog because this is the only time I have to maintain it. Help!!! Do I give him a small dose of Sudafed? A shot of brandy? Monetary bribes?
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Dirty Harry has taken to sleeping in these long, shiny basketball-ish type shorts and no shirt for the summer. He’s also taken leave of his underwear. But that’s not the problem. The problem is that when he gets up in the morning, he just puts on a tee-shirt that nearly matches the shorts and considers himself dressed. Is this okay? Can one just wear the shorts that he slept in all night? Isn’t that like staying all day in your jammies? And what about the underwear? He should put some on, shouldn’t he? Help me, please. Boys are a total and complete mystery to me.
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The light bulb burned out in our refrigerator a couple of weeks ago. Big D cannot remember to replace it, and I cannot remember to remind him to. During the day, we have a lot of good, natural light in the kitchen, so it’s not a huge problem, but at 9pm, I can’t always find the coffee creamer, and that my friends, is a catastrophe. So, what do we do? How can we remember during regular business hours to replace the bulb? Or am I destined for a life of darkness as far as refrigeration is concerned?
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Over the past few months I have noticed an alarming trend with me and road trips. Basically I can’t hold my eyelids open after about twenty minutes of cruising. Normally this is okay since Big D does most of the driving, and he’s happy to listen to talk radio and snap unflattering pictures of me with my mouth hanging open and drool running down my cheek. But Big D is leaving for Mongolia tomorrow morning, and on Sunday I’m leaving for Charleston, SC….a nine hour drive from here…with the kids, Clara, and Indiana Mimi. Indiana Mimi is a licensed driver, but she has not driven on an Interstate since about 1981. Bonny Annie, while she plays a mean Mario Kart, is about three years shy of her drivers license. And while Clara is an extraordinarily talented canine, I don’t think she can reach the gas pedal. Dirty Harry and the Cap’n are out of the question. What do I do? Are energy drinks better than coffee? Do I hook up some kind of IV, so I’m getting a steady dose of caffeine? Have Indiana Mimi slap my face every ten miles or so? I’m desperate people. What do you suggest?
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I have decided that I don’t want Big D to go to Mongolia after all. What was I thinking?! Who is going to make the coffee, pump the gas and mow the lawn around here? How can I go two weeks without my morning back rub? Who is going to threaten Dirty Harry for me? I told Big D last night that I had changed my mind, that I couldn’t survive two weeks without him,and do you know what he did? He smiled and patted my shoulder! So, how can I sabotage his trip in the next 24 hours? Wreck my van? Cry and act hysterical? Tell him that I’m pregnant? Quick, quick, quick….I need answers….FAST!
Alright, I think that’s about it. The end of my problem list. If the above are solved, then the planets will align, the ozone layer will heal itself, and the lion will lie down with the lamb. Until I can think of some more wacky, self-absorbed dilemmas….
(And I’m NOT pregnant.)
lol – I was up for about two hours last night stressing hard that I could be pregnant… it would be nice to be pregnant with my sis again!!! (I wouldn’t wish that on either of us, promise!!!)
Maybe re-watch My Best Friends Wedding. Then, after many failed attempts, hug and kiss him good-bye tomorrow. (Give him a hug from all of us, as well!)
I have the same problem when it comes to comatose driving. David doesn’t even ask me to relieve him on long trips. I have found a good book on CD does the trick. I love Jan Karon’s books. The newest, Home to Holly Springs, is great. I’m currently listening to A Light in the Mtns. Good Stuff!!
Keep a flashlight by the side of the fridge.
Drink a few beers b/w 3-4am. That way, when he wakes, he’ll get a good buzz going and go back to bed. Plus, your morning “stumbling” to the coffee pot may become more of an adventure and we, your readers, will be given even more interesting details about your life!!!
Boys are obviously gross. Sorry you have two.
I’ll read others’ replies to your query and store it in the old brain for possible future reference.
Happy Day!! I’m off to work!
When your a male under the age of 10, underwear has at least a 4 day wear life – two days one way, then turn ‘em inside out and you can wear them for another two days – in the winter time it’s more like 6 days. You don’t sweat too much that time of year. After 10 or 11 — then you need to start easing back some, unless, of course, you’re backpacking.
Obviously from my previous answer, I’m a gross boy and I know nothing about breast feeding.
There’s a light in our downstairs bathroom that’s been out for days now. Renee’ would say that there’s nothing I can do to help you with that one … and she’d be right.
For the road trip – mucho caffeine (I think “Red Bull” is disgusting) and 70′s rock … you’d probably rather have 80′s metal … but that’s just because I’m a tad older than you (but not a lot).
You could INSIST on going with Damon to Mongolia …
Don’t sabotage his trip, though. Your friends in Mongolia would be really sad.
Bernie Anderson´s last blog ..July 4, 2009 – Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia
FYI Kellie Ann…I have a problem of merging onto interstates but once I get on I could drive you all the way to Charleston. And by the way, call me Indiana or call me Mimi but please don’t call me Indiana Mimi!!!
hee hee hee!!!
1. I love Susan’s suggestion of the beer. While that totally grosses me out, if you can stomach beer, maybe wine coolers, give that a try and let us know how that works out.
2. Having lived with two versions of Dirty Harry growing up I can tell you that when I did the laundry I always amazed at the ratio of shirts/pants to underwear and socks. There would be like 6 shirts and one pair of underwear & socks per brother. I did not understand, but I was too grossed out to ask questions either. When he gets interested in girls and realizes that the funky odor that accompanies days old undergarments does not bode well for his romantic future, he will change.
3. Hmmm… Being a Outlook junkie at work I would suggest making a note in whatever calendar system you use, or set up a reminder on your phone & Damon’s phone. In our house the moment something like that goes out and I think about it I grab the nearest Post-it note and slap it on the front door so Patrick will see it on his way out the door.
4. I think your mom has already solved this for you….
5. Put your big girl panties on & deal with it.
1. In order to drink alcohol at 3am, one must wakeup at 3am. Not happening.
2. Still no one has said if it is okay for him to wear the shorts he slept in all day.
3. I think we need a new fridge.
4. My mom solved nothing. She is sleepier than I am on trips and we would still have the problem of actually getting on and off the Interstate. And what is this about not calling her Indiana Mimi?! Pshaw.
5. You asked for it Bernie. Do you have a pack-n-play, a highchair, a stroller,….etc.?
No pack n’ play, but I could get Cap’n Jack a sheep tail to suck on.
(I’m not just being a gross boy. Country side folks here will give their babies a big fatty sheep tail to use as a pacifier … that’s way cooler than dirty underwear!)
On a serious note … (Although, I’m quite serious about the sheep tail thing … not making that up at all)
Thanks for sending Damon over here. We’re really looking forward to seeing him and Josh. We’ll be praying for you while he’s gone … and sincerely wishing that you could have come, too!
I wouldn’t worry about the shorts. Jonathan still does that on many days….
Bernie Anderson´s last blog ..Friday’s Photogenic Sky
1. My son did this too. As long as it was 6 am or later, I just got up with him and then put him down for a nap 3 hours after he woke up (I read this in one of my sleep books), so usually around 9 or 9:30. Then I would take a nap too. It was probably personality, but I could leave him in the swing or bouncer for about 20 – 30 minutes while I did whatever I needed to do, as long as he was in the same room with me.
2. If it’s not Ok to let a boy run around all day in the same clothes he slept in, I am guilty of that too. I do, however, insist on underwear and shirt during waking hours (and pants if we are leaving the house).
3. I like the new fridge idea. We have a broken burner on our range. Since October. I used to leave reminder notes for Hubby during the day. Now I just cook with three burners.
4. When I have to drive, I stop every 1 to 1 1/2 hours just to stretch my legs. It helps me. I also like to listen to books on tape.
5. Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
Jennifer´s last blog ..First Grade Curriculum – Final
Make Big D stay home. All your problems will be solved. He can watch Cap’n Jack while you blog. He can handle the mystery of boys. He’ll remember the refigerator light since he’ll be noticing it more. He can drive you on the road trip. And you won’t miss him.
But I don’t suppose it will help when God asks you about it…. ;o)
CrossView´s last blog ..Triple Trouble
Praying for a safe and awesome trip for Big D.
As far as the comatose driving – if you seriously need something to give you a jolt, try the Bombilla organic mate teas (if you like tea that is). A friend of hubby’s from Brazil told him about yerba mate a few years ago and how it’s a great natural caffeine. Hubby saw these teas at Big Lots of all places and bought a few (I think they are raspberry flavor and goji berry flavor – he didn’t really care for the latter).
flmom´s last blog ..Butterfly Fun
1. Whatever you do, don’t give him Sudafed — that keeps you awake. Benadryl is supposed to put you to sleep, but made Jonathan hyper. Just because he WAKES up doesn’t mean he has to get up. I suggest closing the door and buying ear plugs, drinking coffee and blogging away. He may sue you later, but he probably will anyway.
2. Actually, I’ll contradict Bernie…sorry dear. DH will hit a phase where he spends an hour in the bathroom…you didn’t think that would just be Annaleigh, did you? He’ll take a shower, spend half an hour on his hair and then coming down smelling…not like dirty shorts, but like he just spent his entire allowance on drug store cologne. Oh, how I hope my son doesn’t read your blog. I’m dead meat.
3. No arguments with Bernie on that one. Hope Big D knows how to aim in the dark.
4. Not a lot of help for you there, but you could try making a goal of just getting to the next Cracker Barrel. You know, instead of taking a nine hour goal, break it down into something doable. And you get to eat and shop. Win/win situation.
5. If I thought you were serious, I’d have a pack n play and high chair built in the next 36 hours. I’d find someone on the streets with a stroller, dump the kid and run. That’s if I thought you were serious. I’m so looking forward to their visit…wish it wasn’t at your cost. Maybe some time at the beach while you’re in C’town would help. Or you could threaten to buy one of those nice houses on Battery Row if Damon leaves…of course he might have you committed. But white straitjacket might go well with you pirate attire. You’d just have to put down the blades. All I can do here is say we’ll do everything we can to make sure he stays in touch.
Boy oh Boy! Sorry, but your son is completely normal. It will pass when he discovers girls. You will just have to wait him out. As for the early riser. I never figured that one out. That is why I am still so tired! As for the driving~time to blast some good old rock and roll and sing your way there.
Blessings,
Dawn
Solve problems.
#1 Steal Big D’s flashlights. The trip will be over.
#2 As long as he puts on a fresh pair of shiny shorts before he climbs into bed, wearing them all day the next day won’t be a big deal.
#3 As long as the shorts hang low and dirty Harry isn’t flashing his bits and pieces for everyone to enjoy, going el commando is fine.
#4 As a previous commenter mentioned, he’ll change when he notices girls. Unfortunately, that’s probably four or five years away. In the mean time, enjoy smaller loads of laundry. After he notices girls, he’ll go through A LOT more clothes.
#5 Let the Captain write your blog while you mainline coffee. That gives him something to do during those early morning hours and relieves you of the burden of being creative.
Problems solved!
Hmmm, baby up too early-put him back to bed, put earplugs in, go to sleep.
Fridge-keep a flashlight nearby (hope the kids don’t take it to play with). I don’t recommend candles. I would burn down the house trying to light it in the dark. Or pour pepsi directly into your eye socket. It does work-I do it every morning.
Hubby leaving-that’s tough. I’m looking at three years of hubby always being here after deploying on and off for the past six. I can’t offer suggestions there other than deflate all the tires and duck tape him to the bed that morning so he can’t get up-you should also put a sock in his mouth so you can’t here him yell.
Hmm, son issues. My son does the same, although he does wear his underwear. I have to admit, sometimes I don’t even realize that he is wearing the same shorts that he went to bed with-another show of good parenting skills. Remove all shorts from his room and only give him one pair when he shows up in underwear.
Boy, sure am a little sarcastic today aren’t I? Must be from unpacking the millions of boxes that we have!!!! Off to pour pepsi into my eye socket!
Michelle´s last blog ..Its that time of year……
baby up early = hook a doggie bottle feeder to side of crib..go back to sleep..problem solved.
underwear = who needs them?
jammies + day clothes = one in the same – NO BIG DEAL
No light in fridge = put glow in the dark stickers on EVERYTHING..bing bang boom..midnight snackin here you come
Falling asleep while driving = toothpicks
Don’t want hubby to leave = tell him it’s ok because you’ve been plannin a BIG SHOPPING SPREE that he probably shouldn’t be in town to get the receipts from anyhow.
My name is Rhonda..but you can call me the Problem Solver.