It’s November 4, which means that many, many people have their Christmas shopping underway.  But not I.  I haven’t bought one single thing…not even for Big D’s side of the family, whom we are celebrating with in just a mere three weeks. 

So yesterday I pick up one of the numerous catalogs that have crossed our threshold in the last several weeks and began perusing the contents, looking for inspiration.  I thought I would share some of my top-notch finds, thinking that you too may need some shopping ideas.  (***I’m not sharing the name of this particular catalog because it’s not my intent to give them a bad name.  They do have some legitimate items for sale.  Promise.  Or if you’re truly interested in one of the following items, give me a holler, and I can let you know where to pick it up.)

This looks promising for my sister…

As if getting her addicted to the books wasn’t bad enough, now she and I can see who knows the most about them and waste even more precious hours of our lives, and all the while we can argue about who Bella should be with:  Edward the vampire or Jacob the werewolf.  (The correct answer, by the way, is Jacob.)

I’m buying all the females in my clan these this year….

Isn’t that a great gift from a pirate mom?  Don’t you think they will all just love me for it?  And at just $7.95 a pair, they are quite a steal.  So, Debbie, Indiana Mimi, Susan, Amy, Rebecca, Pat, Ma, Annaleigh…..you all just let me know if you want the skull, rose, or forever version, okay?

And speaking of pirates, this makes me wish I still had a cat….

Maybe I can still get this for Ripley and send it to his new home.  Or maybe Clara would like it….?

Actually, I already have this picked out for Clara…

Now, in the evenings, we can watch where Clara has been all day.  We will get all up close and personal with every blade of our backyard grass, every fiber of our carpet, every morsel of her food dish.  I can’t wait!!!!!

Don’t you think all the grandparents need one of these?

I can just see Jack Henry’s face all stretched out and distorted, warming his grandparents on chilly winter evenings….if he doesn’t scare them to death first.

Speaking of the grandparents, what do you think of this gift…?

Do you think that any of them would find this offensive?  Do you think they will notice that the grandma’s chest somehow ended up on her kneecaps?  Do you think they will care that the grandpa’s green sinister moustache is actually an oxygen tube?  I don’t know….I’ll have to think on this one a bit.

Actually, since Indiana Mimi is a Chicago Bears fan, I was thinking of one of these….

You just think that football fans would rather have a jersey or bumper sticker or a key chain.  No, what they all really want is a garden gnome!

This would keep Dirty Harry…or any little boy…. entertained for hours…

…and he might actually save some money for a change because, as the ad says, “….it’s so loud and hysterical, you won’t want to stop dropping in coins!”

And so that Bonny Annie won’t be left out on all the crude fun, I might get her this for her desk…

Make sure you don’t miss where the paper clips are kept!

So far, I like all my nieces and nephews, but as soon as one is born that I don’t like, I’m buying them this…

This fine catalog does not limit itself to just gifts.  Oh no….they also sell Christmas cards, decorations and gift wrap.

I toyed with ordering these cards…

I guess for Yankee fans, JOY is probably an appropriate sentiment to pass along, but how cruel to offer this card to Cubs fans.  Don’t the makers of this card know that by this time of the season there is no JOY for Cubs fans???

Here are some suggestions for festive decorations…

Deformed reindeer for your mantle…

Or this for your banister (and don’t forget the matching lamp!) because what is mildly funny in a movie, definitely needs to be an adornament in your home…

Don’t we all need an eight-foot, gun-toting snowman for our yards?

Now that you have all these great gift ideas, you need something to wrap it all up in, right?  Well, here ya’ go….

Now your recipients won’t even be able to find their gifts!  This gift wrap would be particularly appropriate for this…

Or this…

And with that, I have no more words except….happy shopping!