I am convinced that is what VBS really stands for.  Don’t give me any of that Vacation Bible School business.  I know better.

Maybe I feel this way because I work in crafts.  I’ve done this for about the past five years now, and it may be that the glue is finally getting to my brain.  All I know is that you hear strange things back in the craft room.  You say strange things back in the craft room.

One night we made hats.  Well, the hats were pre-made, but we decorated the hats with fabric markers and stencils.  This kid was coloring his hat when I heard the following conversation:

Kid:  I’m drawing the Ten Commandments on my hat.

Friend:  Why?

Kid:  Because I like the Ten Commandments.

Friend:  But why do you want them on your hat?

Kid:  Because I like hats with the Ten Commandments on them.

Why yes, of course.  I was just at Kohl’s the other day, and they had a very nice selection of Ten Commandment hats.

On another day, I was trying to feed Cap’n Jack Henry a jar of baby food in between classes.  I didn’t finish in time, and I still had his car seat propped up on one of the tables trying to force feed him a jar of sweet potatoes.  A little girl who was coming into the craft room came around to look at Jack.

Little Girl:  Is that your baby?

Me:  No, I just went and grabbed a baby from the nursery, brought him into the craft room, strapped him into this seat, and am now attempting to feed him something that looks like it came from his diaper.  (Actually, I just answered, “yes.”)

Little Girl:  She’s cute.

Me:  Thank you, but he’s a boy.

Little Girl:  Oh.  What are you feeding him?

Me:  Sweet potatoes.

Little Girl:  Does he like it?

Me:  I think so.  He’s eating it.  (Please note, at this point Jack Henry started blowing raspberries, nearly spraying me and Little Girl with his dinner.)

Little Girl:  I don’t think he likes it.  I wouldn’t like it.

Me:  Me neither.  (And I proceeded then to pack up Jack Henry and take him back to the nursery.)

On another night, we were making necklaces.  I was helping a particular kid who has a brother that I always confuse for him.  For privacy purposes, I’ll just refer to them as Tom and Jerry.

Me:  Tom, would you like for me to tie your necklace for you.

Tom just stands there staring at me.

Me:  Well, would you like that, Tom?

Nothing.  More staring.

Me:  Tom, I can tie your necklace if you’d like.  Then you can wear it.

Tom still just stares.

Me: (turning  a little purple) TOM….why aren’t you answering me?!

Tom:  Because I’m not Tom.  I’m Jerry.

Me: (slowly exhaling, counting to ten)  Well, why didn’t you just say so?

Jerry:  I don’t know.

Another group was coloring puzzles with scenes from the Bible one night, and I overheard this conversation:

Group Leader:  Oh my, Little Boy!  You are coloring that picture very nicely!

Little Boy:  Do you know how I know how to color Noah’s Ark like this?

Group Leader: (smiles proudly) You must have read about it in your Bible.

Little Boy:  Ummm, no.  I saw it on Evan Almighty.

Frankly, I could go on and on with little bizarre vignettes such as this.  What’s amazing is that despite what happens for twenty minutes each night in the craft room, the Gospel is always presented along the way, and every year we have kids who are touched and changed.  My own Bonny Annie came to Christ at VBS several years ago, which is why I always show up with my glue sticks, and my markers, and my pipe cleaners and have strange conversations with five year-olds.

I will leave you with one last very bizare situation.

One night the oldest group was making  sand art crosses, and I heard myself shout the following:

Alright, everyone!  The most important thing to remember is to always hold the cross upside-down!

Thankfully none of the kids were bothered by my Satanic instruction, and I can assure you that most of them did not follow my advice anyway because there was colored sand everywhere!